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(no subject) [Oct. 29th, 2009|05:33 pm]
I've started an eight-week Physical Therapy session to try and help strengthen my knee. More or less, in the last three months, I've been on a fun roller coaster of worker's comp and arguments with my employer. That being said, I've decided I am going to either quit my job, or set my store on fire after I am finished!

I think, though, the latter idea is more attractive, it's not worth the risk. >;D

I was lying on my back while the therapist pushed my right knee upward, toward my nose. While a normal person under any condition wouldn't have an issue with such an exercise, I laughed and cried all at once. Of all the knee injuries I've suffered in this knee (which is four total, two surgeries) I have to admit this one is by far the most painful, though it is the least severe.

On one of the panels of the ceiling, there is a sign that says, "Dr. Michael's house of pain. Please grab tissues before you lay here." It's sort of hilarious, weird, and honest all in one.

If you should ever have to deal with the prospect of Physical Therapy, be sure to learn to meditate before you begin. If you can close your eyes and envision yourself in a happy field of naked munchkins and unicorns, you'll be a lot better off. Actually, if you need, take a blotter of LSD beforehand. It might make the experience more bearable.
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Stuff of Zeh Random. [Oct. 19th, 2009|06:54 am]
[Current Mood | calm]













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(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2009|10:28 am]
Hi guys.
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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2009|03:09 am]
Satiate the hunger for more. That is far more than an ambition, for me. It is a deep, abiding, driving force. I'm not the despirited girl I was years ago and I do not ever intend on being so again. Say what you want of my character- I have not been the back-biting sort, and if I have, it was never an intention of mine.

I've made too much of small tragedies. and won't, now.

I think possibility, and the ability and option to have it, are pretty powerful things. The fact is every salubrious thing usually begins with a dream, and it sort of grows from there. I mean, it doesn't even have to be a dream, it can be a simple idea, notion, or reason to improve and progress one's circumstances.

I look at all the incredible things I've done in my rather erratic, and eccentric, though short life, and I feel pretty grateful, especially now, because I have met plenty of people who only have dreamed of the encounters I've had, who only want to do things, and never will because they are terrified of consequence. I've lived twenty-two short years, but on the grand scheme of things, I've accomplished quite a lot, and I couldn't be any more satisfied about it. Though, I must admit there is a certain hunger inside me that longs to be appeased- I want to see the rest of the world, besides Guatemala, and the States, and that I shall do

Failures are not fruitless. Failures bring a lesson, typically entwined in their curtails, difficult and incomprehensible to the typical wary eye, but learning is of the utmost importance.

and I've learned much of my own defeats, and the sad, sullen stories of others who have come before me, but I am not going to go down lightly. For every tumble I've ever taken, for every fall from a great cloud nine I've felt, I've had an equally satisfying climb upward, and I am alright, finally, with the fact that I've decieved myself in some ways. I want peace, to understand my own security, and need for much sought after approval. I am not worried, now. I know all I can do is tread onward, fight, kick, scream, prove and prove myself wrong. I will gather more from the paths lived and the lessons, learned than I ever would from material gain, and imminent success, for that is my feeling, my purpose, and it is finally okay.

I do not want to be angry, resentful, nor acerbic to anyone, or anything, but least of all, at myself.
--

Love has a knack for finding a way to set itself deeper into a persons intramural body of emotive framework. I cannot explain the process, or how it happens, because now I can barely recollect, but it does happen.

I think the developement of love, of true love, is part nature, part compatable, part fate, part trust, and part friendship. It is a rare, beautiful, mesmeric thing that ought to be cherished.

Who isn't captivated by an intense, enduring love story?

I'm not sure if I can be, really. I've seen all fragments, factions, versions, reprisals, and relinquished manners of love, and really, I'm just wary. Really, really wary. Some people just do not change, and there's no reason in holding on if they're detrimental to you.

By the way, that last tid-bit also goes for friendships, too. If something is parasitic, my god, get rid of it, move forward, be what you are, don't let it destroy you. Go forward.

So many good things have come of these dour clouds, now clearing. Maybe it was some weird blessing in disguise. I'm as unscathed as I can, but my god, I've learned much, loved intensely, and now, I'm ready to let it drift away and sour, because it was not good for me.

It still stands, love me or hate me, I exist regardless. I do what I do- regardless, and I'll keep doing, and so will others, and it may very well be the order of things as such.

I can't change my past. It's done, all I can do is project what I will do better, and if I've harmed people in the process, may god have mercy and forgive me, and may he bring better, more propitious twilights and stars to others.
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Defeat [Apr. 7th, 2009|01:57 am]


Oh saccharine stain of Marigold,
who gleams upon the scales
of repletion, may your best defense
remain your ignorance,

From the beginning-
you clenched
to the strings of other
bleary-eyed good doers
veneer and marionette,
tearing among your seams

Grasp the wholes of eternity,
unwarranted- time has it's faults
find solace in your spill downward-
evade the listless chasm-
the dread
from which you'll never escape
again

For I can swing many a starless night
for me, you've lost your glow,
abiding by my own dusty torches
in a pride
you will never know.

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December [Apr. 7th, 2009|01:56 am]


Benevolence scatters,
like the jagged edges
of snowflake ends

where winter meets
the great face
of awkward onlookers,
with a tinge and hello

just one flurry
at a time
becomes a dozen
in a fury

and maybe if we collect
enough snow stars
weave our little pieces
of December flesh
with a thread
of permafrost

We can dance in choas
in our snowskirts

still fresh of frozen dirt
sifting beneath our steel boots
and untamed ice skates

A conception
to dream-
a sanction
of Wintry synnergy
free
of hibernation and
sleep

the solemn place
from where Mother Earth
is now appeased.

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Want Take Have [Apr. 7th, 2009|01:53 am]


An index of unsaid vapors
tryst haywire around your eyes.
Delicate in their feasting leaps
You want what can gain
You aim to get inside.

Mate like an animal
to the varicolored sky
Violet and blue don't want to rest-
You're no Don Juan
even at your best.

Sparks come flaming
from your thundercloud
you wear it off your mouth-
electric drips
of shock and reverie.
God forbid
you let this out.

Maybe somehow-
little Unsteady Miracle!
you will swear aloud,
"I did this out of love!"

The phantasm won't stop
when push comes to shove-
want, take, have,
I'm one permanent meal-
your delectable dessert
sealed with a
fatal
undercurrent.

So be-live the vice!
You've got your lip
in my mouth,
all I gotta do is bite down
release the acrimony in-
the volatile contagion
you can't resist!

A kiss
and god send
like you've never had.
The slender fingers
of the maddened muse
break
your neck.

consummate
consummate
consummate
THIS!

My tomb-
The divinity
you crave.
Enough is never
enough.

You always want
what you cannot achieve,
My little lovely
sit and grieve!
You can only crawl
so far inside!
for me,
die, die, die

Do not discern nor waste this
Little dove!
Do not fetter
and give up!
Consummate THIS!
when push comes to shove-

Have enough
to never forget-
Musings etched
indelibly
upon your memory-
You've got the scarring
to prove,
you barely survived.

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Ardent Sky [Sep. 25th, 2008|04:47 pm]
You are infallible,
as you shed
the sullen shadow
from your saintly ambience.
We are newly aquainted,
as you dive into
your lively hue
of blue
like the ardent, cloudless sky
that is suspended above our heads.

I sense your whispers
solemn as God's breath
rustling my hair
like the wind
of longevity
that pulls us together

We wear the humble air
spinning around our heads
like an unsung, smokey
bit of atmosphere.
A right of passage,
away from the stirring
of storm clouds.

The Autumn leaves
wrestle around our
exhausted bodies,
the enlightenment
is binding;
for nothing
in the world
is as astounding
as you are
to me.

and though we are small
tiny increments,
surrounded by a universe
that coasts for eons,
and millions of lifetimes,
I am blind
for you
are all
that has been.

You show me what the world is.
and though I may forever
fear the words
you are all I'm living for
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(no subject) [Sep. 6th, 2008|02:51 pm]
Like most things in my chaotic, eventful, often disquieting life, I seldom update this piece of me. If I ever get a chance to catch my breath, it is a cherished breath. I do know that I am exhausted, and desperately need sleep or something, but, I have to work overnight tonight.


I use myspace with a much higher frequency. If you would like to find me there, ask.
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(no subject) [Aug. 20th, 2008|11:30 am]
I still exist!
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(no subject) [Jul. 3rd, 2008|05:08 am]
 My hair is insanely fluffy, I haven't gone to bed yet. I should because I have to wake up soon.

I really love books and the movie High Fidelity.
I've worked at Sheetz a year.
Time passes pretty quick.
I am thinking in choppy blocks.
I'm uber tired. 

Hi Guys.
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(no subject) [Jun. 12th, 2008|04:25 am]

 

If you use flammable hair products, I'd fathom setting your hair on fire would be not only dangerous, but also painful.
Michael Jackson did it.

ouchiesss.
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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2008|04:36 am]
I remember when life was much more stiff and serious than this. I used to worry a lot and think that worry would actually get me something.

Oh man, I tried Salvia Divinorum, and it was something else.


Hi Guys! 
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(no subject) [May. 17th, 2008|03:51 am]
 When Kim and I were driving in the Wal-Mart parking lot at two a.m., amid a savage rain storm, a man dressed as a ninja ran across the road. I assume it was a college kid trying to have a good time, but I assure you seeing a ninja at Wal-Mart at two am in pooring rain is kind of, well, unsettling.
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(no subject) [Apr. 27th, 2008|01:15 am]
I think  the most poopy aspect of working in service jobs is that you begin to realize how ridiculous some people are. I've learned that not only is it inevitable that some people ought not breeed, but when they do, their children turn out much more parasitic than the respective wombs they come from. The things you encounter in the convenience store enviroment are astonishing. It's no wonder that most other countries loathe Americans.

A man came entered my store, once, without any pants (or under garments) on after I'd explained the common policy of "no shoes, no shirt, no service". Luckily, I could not see his jolly parts, most likely because he was not well endowed. It was not as though his shirt was short. I threatened to call the police and he yelled, "Bitch" and spit at me.

Another time, when I was preparing to clean the men's bathroom, and the door was unlocked, I opened it on a drunk man, urinating without his pants all the way pulled down. I screamed and ran away, and hid behind the counter. Thus upon doing so, he yelled "You know you like it baby." and when he left, and approached me, I said, "I couldn't see it". "What are you saying??", he replied. "You are a vile being, and even worse, you have a tiny little friend between your legs."

I have had more humorous incidents, but I think those fall at the top of the list. In either event, my time working at a convenience store may not have been well spent, but at least it's proven right my cynicism for humanity.
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(no subject) [Mar. 23rd, 2008|11:54 pm]
 I'm a piece of fictive insanity.
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(no subject) [Sep. 10th, 2007|08:37 pm]
 because his pain is my fault.
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