| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2009|03:09 am] |
Satiate the hunger for more. That is far more than an ambition, for me. It is a deep, abiding, driving force. I'm not the despirited girl I was years ago and I do not ever intend on being so again. Say what you want of my character- I have not been the back-biting sort, and if I have, it was never an intention of mine.
I've made too much of small tragedies. and won't, now.
I think possibility, and the ability and option to have it, are pretty powerful things. The fact is every salubrious thing usually begins with a dream, and it sort of grows from there. I mean, it doesn't even have to be a dream, it can be a simple idea, notion, or reason to improve and progress one's circumstances.
I look at all the incredible things I've done in my rather erratic, and eccentric, though short life, and I feel pretty grateful, especially now, because I have met plenty of people who only have dreamed of the encounters I've had, who only want to do things, and never will because they are terrified of consequence. I've lived twenty-two short years, but on the grand scheme of things, I've accomplished quite a lot, and I couldn't be any more satisfied about it. Though, I must admit there is a certain hunger inside me that longs to be appeased- I want to see the rest of the world, besides Guatemala, and the States, and that I shall do
Failures are not fruitless. Failures bring a lesson, typically entwined in their curtails, difficult and incomprehensible to the typical wary eye, but learning is of the utmost importance.
and I've learned much of my own defeats, and the sad, sullen stories of others who have come before me, but I am not going to go down lightly. For every tumble I've ever taken, for every fall from a great cloud nine I've felt, I've had an equally satisfying climb upward, and I am alright, finally, with the fact that I've decieved myself in some ways. I want peace, to understand my own security, and need for much sought after approval. I am not worried, now. I know all I can do is tread onward, fight, kick, scream, prove and prove myself wrong. I will gather more from the paths lived and the lessons, learned than I ever would from material gain, and imminent success, for that is my feeling, my purpose, and it is finally okay.
I do not want to be angry, resentful, nor acerbic to anyone, or anything, but least of all, at myself. --
Love has a knack for finding a way to set itself deeper into a persons intramural body of emotive framework. I cannot explain the process, or how it happens, because now I can barely recollect, but it does happen.
I think the developement of love, of true love, is part nature, part compatable, part fate, part trust, and part friendship. It is a rare, beautiful, mesmeric thing that ought to be cherished.
Who isn't captivated by an intense, enduring love story?
I'm not sure if I can be, really. I've seen all fragments, factions, versions, reprisals, and relinquished manners of love, and really, I'm just wary. Really, really wary. Some people just do not change, and there's no reason in holding on if they're detrimental to you.
By the way, that last tid-bit also goes for friendships, too. If something is parasitic, my god, get rid of it, move forward, be what you are, don't let it destroy you. Go forward.
So many good things have come of these dour clouds, now clearing. Maybe it was some weird blessing in disguise. I'm as unscathed as I can, but my god, I've learned much, loved intensely, and now, I'm ready to let it drift away and sour, because it was not good for me.
It still stands, love me or hate me, I exist regardless. I do what I do- regardless, and I'll keep doing, and so will others, and it may very well be the order of things as such.
I can't change my past. It's done, all I can do is project what I will do better, and if I've harmed people in the process, may god have mercy and forgive me, and may he bring better, more propitious twilights and stars to others. |
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